Somebody, a Jambo no less, suggested that some of wot I wrote last month was rubbish. Only some? I hear you ask. It was pointed out to me that the bloke in charge of the SPL is Roger Mitchell, not Roger Miller. You honestly think I don't know this? If I had said that Roger Mitchell wrote 'King of the Road' then that would have been just daft, wouldn't it? I wonder why I bother when irony is wasted on some folk.

August is over and can we really believe the start our heroes have made to the season? Top of the league by a margin of four points on the 26th was truly marvellous to behold. Even after the Evil Empire had finished kicking lumps out of each other the following day the Hibees were still at the top of the pile. I assume of course that you were at the Hibs v Dundee game and witnessed a fabulous example of Scottish football at its best. Ok so there were only five Scots on the pitch but the game was played in Scotland so that makes it Scottish fitba'. Dundee with their suntans, hairbands and fancy-dan continental ways were soon put in their place by the Hibees that day and it looks like we are in Europe next season so I had better start saving up now.

August also gives us the wonderful spectacle of the Embra Festival and I always try to see as many shows as possible. Did you know that our esteemed defender, Tommy Smith, is also a world renowned jazz musician and he had his own show during the festival? Football and music often mix these days and many of our stars have hidden talents. For instance, Scott McKenzie who gave us that classic hit of the flower-power era 'If you're going to San Francisco' is now playing for St Mirren and looks remarkably youthful when you consider what age he must be. Cast your mind back to the former Minister for Sport, Tony Banks, the bampot who thought a British football team would be a good idea, and you will remember a man of many gifts. Not only was he a member of Genesis (the most boring band in the world) but he also used to make girls dresses. What a guy. Did you also know that media personality and professional smiley person, Ally McCoist, can be found playing for Kilmarnock on his day off?

Sometimes though I can find the attractions on offer at the festival to be a bit confusing. I like to sample culture from all corners of the globe, which is actually a daft thing to say because the world is round so doesn't have any corners. Anyway, I had just enjoyed a show of Irish dancing which was great fun apart from the top half, which is actually quite boring when I decided to look for other forms of national dance to admire. As I was strolling down the leafy boulevard of Lothian Road I spotted a venue offering Lap dancing. Now, I don't know about you but I have never been to Lapland before so the opportunity to enjoy a bit of culture from that far-off land was too much to resist and I eagerly entered the premises. Well, talk about strange. I thought Lapland was a cold place near the Arctic so imagine my surprise when the Lap dancers turned out to be a group of scantily clad bints cavorting around on tables. One young woman even became so exhausted by her exertions she had to sit on my knee. I did settle into the performance eventually and began to enjoy it after a while even though it was not quite what I had expected. Next month I am hoping to further broaden my knowledge of foreign cultures by going to see Pole dancing at the same venue. Poland is just one of the many places I know very little about.

Finally, whatever happened to Kenny Miller? A fine young player while at Hibs but he seems to have disappeared. Has he gone into the west never to be seen again? Choosing obscurity before celebrity is not the most obvious way to enhance your career.