Does size really matter? Those of you paying attention last month would have noticed that JS Arthur had a huge one and mine was a bit smaller than usual. I can't really complain though because at least I've got a bigger one than Jay Crawford, and he's famous in North Berwick. Yes, it would appear that my column inches are shrinking faster than an overworked psychiatrist so I guess I had better stop waffling on and start writing about fitba'

How close it was, how close. We nearly turned the Huns over on August 28th. The fighting spirit and never say die attitude shown by each and every member of the team that day was fantastic to watch. Alright, you could argue that Rangers were suffering a hangover from their exertions against Parma the previous week, but who cares. Hibs outfought them on our own patch and were unfortunate enough to lose by a single goal. Which was miles offside by the way, regardless of what the television replay supposedly proves, but we have grown to expect that. Rangers were so desperate to hang on to their slender lead that they brought on Colin Hendry to play alongside Lorenzo "Mama mia, am I just gorgeous or what" Amoruso and Craig Moore. It's ironic how the reality check of an allegedly inferior team getting battered in to the Govan prima-donnas can bring them back down to earth with a bump. It was amazing that the star of Rangers side was their crocked goalkeeper. Charbonnier was carried on to the pitch in a blanket and propped up in the middle of the goal. He then proceeded to hop about on one leg all afternoon, doing a fairly passable impression of Long John Silver. The only time this routine was interrupted was when Hibs had the audacity to take a shot at goal, causing the bold Lionel to throw himself around the goalmouth like a man possessed. I began to think that if Rangers carried this sort of luck for the rest of the season they might actually do well in the Champions League but, on the evidence of the Hibs game, as Corporal Jones used to say, "They don't like it up 'em". Watching Rangers being gubbed by Valencia a few weeks later confirmed this as Valencia had obviously decided to play in the style of Hibs and get stuck into the Huns. The only difference was the outcome as, unlike Hibs, they managed to beat them.

On my way home after the Rangers game I was pondering the dilemma that Michael Mols was faced with. You see, he had told the papers that he would rather be present at the birth of his child than play for Rangers. Suddenly the logic of this position hit me and I realised that I too would rather be at the birth of the infant Mols than play for Rangers.

All things considered it was a memorable day, Hibs playing brilliantly yet losing so somethings will never change. It was only two seasons ago that Hibs were defeated by Rangers at Easter Road and then went in to a slump that saw them being relegated. Surely history cannot be repeating itself and the run of bad form we are suffering will be over soon.

Earlier in the day I was reminded of what we had been missing while in the First Division. It's nothing personal you understand but to see hordes of Weegies hanging around Abbeyhill drinking their Buckfast, trying hard to intimidate anyone who looked at them and mistaking doorways for public toilets let me appreciate that we were back in the big time again. Witnessing these scenes made me wish we could play Celtic the following week so we don't have to endure the Evil Empire and their fans again for a while. And Celtic fans are not as sophisticated as the Huns.

Finally, isn't it irritating the way the word 'ubiquitous' seems to pop up everywhere?