It is usually customary at this time of year to look back fondly over the last twelve months and comment on the issues that affected the beautiful game. Once again the Old Firm have given us a showing up by being dumped out of Europe, Rangers in particularly spectacular fashion by blowing a two goal lead against less than brilliant opposition. What did you think of Lorenzo Amoruso being accused of making racist comments to an opposition player? Lorenzo was found out in the usual 'trial by television' way and after many denials he eventually admitted his guilt and apologised. The Germans were quite rightly outraged by the whole affair as we all know that they would never indulge in racism, victimisation, persecution of minorities or any form of intolerant behaviour, would they.

Celtic have signed a Brazilian defender with the wonderful name of Rafael Scheidt. I will not indulge in any of the infantile sniggering that the gutter press have been wallowing in over the pronunciation of the poor fellow's name. To avoid any embarrassment Celtic have decided to have only 'Rafael' on his jersey. I also refuse to believe the rumour that he is to be given the squad number two. Suffice to say he is going to feel so welcome in Scotland as fans from all teams greet him with the chant "You're Scheidt and you know you are". And when he gets to Easter Road I will no doubt join in.

I was listening to a radio programme before Christmas where the presenters were discussing who was the best Scottish player of the century. Am I the only one who believes that a century has one hundred years, not ninety-nine? Even Hibs got caught up in this Millennium nonsense by advertising the Kilmarnock game on December 27th as the last home match of the century. Anyway, my favourite player of the century is that Hibs legend 'Sloppy' Joe Tortolano. A man whose enthusiasm was only out-stripped by his lack of ability. To watch Joe hurtling up and down the left wing was indeed a sight to behold, even more so when he took the ball with him. Rumour has it that Joe was once found in the dressing room staring at a box of orange juice because it had 'concentrate' on the label. It is one of those strange quirks of language that brings a similarity between Rafael and Joe. As we know a local colloquialism for manure has the same pronunciation as 'Scheidt', whereas in Brazilian slang 'Tortolano' is their word for the brown stuff. Now just how spooky is that?

You thought I wisnae going to mention it didn't you? Yes, to witness the glorious Hibees stuffing the Jambos 3-0 at Tynecastle in the last derby of the year, nay, the MILLENNIUM!!!!! (inconsistent? me?) was just magnificent. Hibs were brilliant in every department and Hearts were equally mince. The indescribable pleasure at the performance of our heroes made me so proud, definitely one to tell the grandchildren about. I couldn't decide whether it was the noise from the Hibs end or the deafening slence from the Hearts fans which gave me more satisfaction. When the second goal went in I honestly thought we were heading for another 7-0 scoreline. Mind you, the only other person I could recognise as having been at the 1973 classic was Jim Jefferies, and just like that day his face was tripping him, again.

Finally. How many football fans does it take to open a beer can? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

Finally, finally. A very happy Y2K to football fans everywhere, even Hearts fans, but not Huns or Soapdodgers. Obviously.