Isn't it just fab the way we are leaving winter behind? Longer evenings and the occasional roll-over weekend to look forward to, but let's not talk about my love life when we could be talking about football.

Have you seen the Hibees calendar for Y2K? At first glance it is an improvement on 1999 as most of the players featured still actually play for the club. Having to sit through December 99' staring at a picture of Barry Lavety, the man whose bum is so big it has its own postcode, was a bit wearying. Maybe it should be written into a players contract that he must stay with the club for the full year if he is featured in the calendar. Obviously if his picture is up in, say, February or March and he is playing badly we can then offload him to some bunch of unsuspecting mugs. No comparisons with Stevie Crawford's loan deal to Dunfermline please. If you were fortunate enough to get the calendar from Santa you have just changed over from Oli the goalie to the gorgeous Frank Sauzee, and a welcome change it is. I could not work out if the look on Oli's face was one of total concentration or utter confusion. What's the Icelandic for glaiket? I can only assume that a split second before the photo was taken the ball had gone through Oli's legs to produce such a look of helplessness on his face.

Hopefully our heroes have benefited from their jaunt to the Caribbean to splash about in the waves and run on the sand. Don't they know there is a perfectly good beach in Portobello with a balmy climate and year-round sunshine? The trip was arranged with the help of Russell Latapy who comes from the area so he got a free ticket home to see his mum. Nice one Russell. Just how fortunate are we to have a player who is so good he actually plays for two countries, Trinidad and Tobago! This level of quality is not actually new to the Hibees as we also had Tony Rougier who himself had reached the same dizzy heights. Dwight Yorke of Man United also plays for Trinidad and Tobago so if he sticks in at his game he too may one day get the opportunity to play for Hibs.

Could it be that our prayers are about to be answered and we can all bid the Old Firm a fond good-riddance as they leave us to join the fabled Atlantic League. Imagine having true competition in our league rather than the bottomless purses of the Evil Empire buying success. The real bonus for me would be no longer having to witness hordes of ill-mannered, shell-suited oafs from the City of Culture descending on us four times a season. As a former student of Russian politics I have been closely following the progress of the war in Chechnya and, apparently, when the Russians have finally reduced Grozny to rubble and dust they are going to run a six lane motorway through its centre and rename it Glasgow. I never fail to smile when reminded of the famous advertising logo 'Glasgow's Miles Better', personally I have always consoled myself with the knowledge that Glasgow's Miles Away.

Right, I'm confused. Fact, Stefan Klos is Rangers' first choice goalie and he has squad number 1. What then is all this stuff I have been hearing about Klos 28? Why are people getting so upset about him and why do they think he has number 28 on his jersey? The really bizarre part is that some folk object to him going into our schools and promoting homosexuality. What on earth does a Hun goalie know about homosexuality? It would be like sending Andy Goram to lecture on monogamy and sobriety. Please, please can somebody explain what is going on.