March was one of these funny months that come along now and then. Some of the football I watched was brilliant, stuffing Celtic 2-1, and some of it poor, stuffing Falkirk 3-1. I always have a moan about going out to the football on a wet and windy Sunday at five past six but for some unexplained reason Hibs have been saving their best performances for the Sky cameras. Just a thought but wouldn't it be more interesting if the wind was coloured instead of invisible so you could actually see it swirling about the place? Anyway, the rout of Celtic was most enjoyable yet not at all unexpected as every time they have the opportunity to get closer to the Huns they insist on squandering the chance. Listening to Dalgleish trotting out his lame excuses after the game I imagined that in a galaxy far away a certain Obi Wan would be saying "Do not be disheartened Kenny as I can sense that the farce is strong within you".

What else happened in March? Oh yes, I remember now, The 18th was a fantastic sunny day and for the first time this year I sat in my garden with my shirt off. Oops, nearly forgot, we also trounced the Jambos at Easter Road. What a game that was and if you believed the pre-match waffle coming from Gorgie we were in for a right doing for having the audacity to win at Tynecastle in December. Yes, all the usual nonsense about payback time and revenge really worked wonders for Jim 'The Fat Controller' Jefferies and his no-hopers didn't it? As a result of the slaughter in the sun Hearts have opened up their new Derby Day web site and you can log on to (Jambos@totalpish.com).

It was announced before the game that Hibs were the first club to have an official gay supporters branch and we celebrated this news in style at the final whistle by playing YMCA over the PA sysem. If you were there and didn't sing along, shame on you. Whenever I'm at a party I always love joining in with YMCA and doing the hand signals but I've often wondered if dyslexics can get the same pleasure

March saw the Hibees reaching the last four of the Scottish cup in grand style. The romance of the cup is alive and well when we can see teams like Ayr United still in it with a chance. I have a fondness for Ayr, or 'Errerrsupererr' as it is pronounced in Ayrshire, as they were especially generous to us last season, and I hope they can defeat the Huns and then lose to Hibs in the final. Imagine if they actually won the cup we would see European football at Ayr, now that would certainly bring publicity to a quiet backwater of Scotland where families are so close that cousins marry. I have heard that a supposedly famous poet and songwriter called Bob something came from the area but as he has not sold as many records as Sidney Devine he can't have been that good.

To get to the semi-finals Ayr defeated Partick Thistle and this reminded me of a good John Lambie story. During a game a Partick striker received a head knock and crashed to the ground. After helping him off the pitch the doctor informed Lambie that the lad was so badly concussed he couldn't even remember his own name. Lambie considered this news for a moment and said "Tell him his name is Pele and get him back on the park"

Just for a wee change last month I took myself along to the pictures to see 'A Clockwork Orange' and I have to say I was fairly disappointed. I had expected to see a film about the Rangers defence but it turned out to be about a bunch of bampots who enjoyed nothing more than kicking lumps out of innocent bystanders. Wait a minute, I've just realised it was about the Huns after all!