Just in case you were curious, I send my column to the office and someone then types it into The Leither. If you wondered what was so funny about Darren Dods and his flip-flops in last month's Leither I can't say I blame you. What you should have read was this.... "Darren Dods buys a new pair of flip-flips to take on holiday; that's what happens when you have two left feet" I apologise for the editor ruining an exceptionally whimsical witticism by not paying attention to detail. We should all appreciate that The Leither is very lucky to have Liam Rudden taking time out from his busy schedule playing Grant Mitchell in Eastenders to write a theatre column for us and I guess the staff are a wee bit more careful reading his copy before printing it. If there are any more mistakes I may be tempted to take a leaf out of Grant's book and give someone a slap.

Anyway, let's talk about fitba'. I am mightily relieved that the season is now underway and we have no more friendlies to play. Charging fans the full price to watch Hibs being taken apart by West Ham was a bit of a liberty. At least when Stranraer took us apart it actually meant something. Judging from the performance that day it looks as though some of our players will have to be on a Viagra prescription before they can be considered to be 'up' for a game. I know it's early days and we are not exactly fighting to get out of the relegation zone yet, but any more displays like that one and we are going to be in big trouble before too long.

My biggest disappointment so far (apart from the Stranraer game) was Hibs being unsuccessful in their ambitious attempt to sign Ally McCoist. I was so looking forward to Ally joining up with Barry Lavety in attack and if only we could have signed Pavarotti to support them from a driving midfield position we would have had a formidable strike force indeed. Basher and Ally would surely have given new meaning to the term 'adding width to the side'. McCoist as we know is a bit of a media tart and he was preparing to ask young Barry to help him front a cookery and football TV show called 'Two Fat Laddies' but, sadly, this was shelved when Ally signed for Kilmarnock. (Did you know that Barry moved to Leith from Paisley to escape the temptation of illegal substances? Bizarre isn't it?) The latest information I have is that Ally is to team up with Phil Drabble of 'One Man and his Dog' fame to make a series of countryside programmes called 'McCoist and ma Collie'.

I know I was not the only football fan in Scotland who was looking forward to watching Kilmarnock playing Rangers to see how McCoist and his fellow blue-nose, Ian Durrant, performed. I seem to remember McCoist saying he did not want to play for a Premier league team as this would mean having to play against the Huns. It's amazing how the smell of money can influence one's principles don't you think? Mind you, I don't suppose anybody was surprised that the contributions of both Ally and the King of the Kebab Shop were imperceptible when Killie took on The Evil Empire.